This parenting thing is relentless and I am only 20 weeks in. Duh, right? Well, somehow I am finding time to write. It’s different now. My resolve is bound to the conviction that if I quit doing something I love … Continue reading
(previously written) I am closing in on week two at home with a newborn. Whoa. The whole experience is rather indescribable, the word that best describes it is ineffable. My husband and I were talking about how surreal, wonderful and awe-inspiring this whole pregnancy and birth thing is and when he was trying to describe it to a friend he said that word popped into his head.
1 too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words.”the ineffable natural beauty of the Everglades”
3 indescribable, inexpressible, beyond words, beyond description, begging description; More
◦ not to be uttered.”the ineffable Hebrew name that gentiles write as Jehovah”
The word aptly describes the birth of my son and the days following it. Still, words only describe the feeling but they can’t fully explain the physical or emotional aspect of this adventure.
Weirdly enough, this post somehow only was published for a short time. Maybe it was my embedded link of the Guns and Roses song Patience? This music is something that I listen to while breastfeeding and I also pondered why more songs don’t include whistling nowadays! I’ll try it again so you can have the pleasure of watching Axl, quite the showman in his day.
In any case, I mentioned that I am not planning to make this blog about motherhood or child rearing now that I have a son. I have a son! Soooo, a quick update on my writing . . .
Shortly after giving birth I received a rejection from a Literary Agent that had my full manuscript. I wallowed a bit and felt like I’d never publish a novel as long as I live (the drama usually dies down within a day or so). The next day, I received an upgrade request from an agent who had a partial (about 50 pages) of my manuscript and she asked for the full! More confident again, I sent out the full and am trying to forget about it, which is kind of easy when I am constantly taking care of my son. I still have another partial out and some queries so I have a few more chances to catch someone’s eye. If nothing happens this round, I’m planning to research small presses to see if any of those would be interested.
I recently read this New York Times piece about rebranding motherhood. There were quite a few things I liked about it. One main thread is the story of the author of the piece becoming a mother, that naturally spoke to me. I have worried over this since we decided to try and get pregnant ourselves. I worried about timing and having the time to write after Baby is here (any day now!). I already have a full-time job and limited time to write. However, I make time to do the things I feel sustain me already so I’m not sure why that should change, though it could get more difficult for a time.
Overall, the piece talked about how motherhood has recently been put in a more negative light using words like sacrifice and that becoming a mother is losing a part of yourself. She also talks about how it’s a choice:
“Motherhood, parenthood, is a choice — like getting married, writing a book or choosing one city to call home — and like all those choices, it means forgoing other choices. So it’s unclear why this one choice has become synonymous with sacrifice.”
I love that. I’ve written two novels and one novella and it didn’t just happen. I had to work hard and create a schedule (not go out to brunches on weekends or hang out with friends at certain times) in order to follow through with what I most wanted to do. I feel confident in my ability to continue to prioritize and feel excited to bring a new little person into the world. These are not mutually exclusive things in my mind.
Of course, I know there will be difficult times but aren’t there those times now anyway? I mean, I was recently hit by a car as a pedestrian and had to get over that eventually. It was emotionally traumatic, to say the least. We all have difficulty in relationships from time to time, whether it is with family or friends. Even though our social media presence never shows the bad stuff, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The last quote I’ll share from the article is this one and one that I hope to be able to articulate once I am a mother.
“The joy and fun of motherhood are so deeply personal, so intimate and so selfish, there’s no way to explain it to the world, particularly our current social media heavy world.”
I understand the need to rebrand motherhood, but not for the purpose of creating more people or mothers. My feeling is that we need to be authentic about what the whole process is like and to talk about our difficulties, but not to focus on them. I’ve had both difficulties and wonderful experiences so far getting pregnant and then being pregnant (those I’ll save for a different blog post). Once I bring a child into the world I hope to be able to talk about both the good and the bad in a productive way.
Right now, I have to finish my revisions for my current novel in progress (I am finalizing everything for the last time, I swear!).